On Judgement in the City of Angels

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Greetings from the land of plenty (otherwise known as the West Coast). I arrived in LA yesterday to start a week long adventure with my family who are visiting from Wales. Though there’s already been a few hiccups (oh, there’s people staying the apartment we’ve rented? ok.), it’s sure to be a delight. We’ve got a packed weekend of touristy afternoons and hopefully some beach filled ones too. 

Every time I come to LA I sort of fall in love with it a little bit. I stay with my very best friend, we go to yoga and the famers market in the mornings and we cook dinner and drink wine on the patio in the evenings. She already knows all of the good people and places to spend  time on so I manage to skip that whole “what is real here???” experience. She’s out of town this week (much to my chagrin) and it already feels a little bit less wonderful without her here (literally, I woke up to a very cloudy day and I feel I deserve a refund). 

Anyway, I’m really going to work on cultivating some peace whilst I’m here. I’ve been given the great gift of time in a beautiful place and I am intent on spending some of that time recharging. I have a lot of morning meditations, writing and sun rises on the patio planned during my downtime from the family. September has been so go go go that I’d love to use the jet-lag to my advantage and eek out a few hours of serenity each morning. 

Michael and I have been talking a lot about judgement these days. Our need/habit for judging others:  how it’s the lowest form of defense but also the easiest, how it’s such a safe place to go during times of vulnerability. I don’t find it in my every day life, but I’m not exempt from it either and it’s a terrible act that I never  noticing myself doing it until I’m in a truly vulnerable place. I feel myself seeking and searching for anything to judge just so I can acquire a sense of control and comfort. The worst part is, that nothing positive happens when I do this. There is no sweet relief or release, it is just negative energy that bubbles inside of you. Dark, critical thoughts that inevitably turn on you and make you feel worse (as you can see, I’m of the great habit of judging myself for judging others). So what’s the escape from this? How not to judge? I’m not really sure of the answer but I am going to try to take a moment, right when I feel those critical thoughts and ask myself what I’m really feeling. What is all of this judgement masking? And could I just use a short break, a cup of tea, a phone call to Michael, a yoga class – anything to address what I’m really feeling, instead of hiding from it and entering the black hole of judgement. 

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